maybe, I should not ask

it was started with 1 simple question and end up with the world crashing down.
it was started with a spark of loving and caring but should end up with commit suicide.
it was started with a smiling face but ended with a crying face.

regret for asking.
hurting to know the answer.
bleeding to face the truth.

"maybe i should not ask"
"but how could im not asking? i was so worried, curious at the same time"
well maybe i should''ve stop at the moment it should be stopped"
"how can i stop if a part of me ask for more?"

and that is all started with just one simple question.

when you love someone

When you fall in love with someone.
Love them completely.
Their goods and their bads.
And when you feel like you don't love them anymore, just remember all of the good things about them that make you fall for them.
And keep remember their bads, cause that is what kept you on the ground.

out of sight, out of mind

You'll forget something when you didn't see it for a while.
It'll buried under the current thing and you wouldn't see it or find it unless you dig it all, but I'm sure that's gon be pretty mess. And I know you don't wanna mess with anything called "PAST"
Leave it under and forget it.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/vickasapta

friendship will never be broken.
cause in the end when you got fucked up with the world around you all you have to lay your head down and tell all of your stories is your friend.
no matter how you've fucked them, they will always got your back.

i don't know what love is.
all i know it is the greatest feeling on earth.
it feels like you're on a heaven on earth when you're being loved, isn't it?

all i know. love is the purest thing that ever happened in human being.
and all i know is. you don't have to learn how to love someone. it just happen. snap snap! just like that.

but what i know is. love is hard.
love is all about scarification.
love is all bout keep smiling when you saw someone you love the most you give your whole heart to them holding hands and being happy with someone else they loved.
and all i know love is about to get hurt in order to save the one you love.

love is about giving without expecting to be given.

randomly pick from the draft

i love to sit there, at our favourite coffee shop. alone.
tasting your favourite coffee. eating their cookies which your highly recommended cookies. reading those books you love the most. playing the songs you really like.

i do still remember what are we talking about at 5 in the afternoon in this coffee shop.
escaping away from the terrific hectic streets.
looking at the glorious sky. humming our songs.
giggling. joking about people.

somehow i miss you.
i miss you like you're the missing pieces of my puzzle.
i miss your laugh.
i miss your deep brown eyes.
i miss your hands while they're holding mine.
i miss you. i miss you.

i fell in love with you. i fell in love with everything in you. i fell in love with everything that made you.
i fell in love with how you talk.
i fell in love whit your writings.
i fell in love with every single day i spent with you.

i adore you. i do.
in every second we're together.
in every details of you.
i adore how your perfume somehow become a prefect mix with your body scent.
say that im stupid, but i adore how you dressed up.


and. its me. still at the coffee shop. still the same spot. still the same cup of coffee. still the same cookies. the same books. and the same song playlist.
without you. without our afternoon story.

you're gone. just gone without any sentimental detail reason.
i wake up in the morning and i never found you until today.
nothing left beside you're memories.

and im here in order to have you back. make you back to life by living in your memories.
picking up the minor details of yours.
hope someday this detail will be grown as you. the one i love, just like yesterday. like you used to be.

i always write something rough
i dont have some subject which i want to talk about in my blog
and in the end, its all gonna be just a rough draft that i never open it up and delete it somehow cause i feel annoyed

it takes time to sharpen my writing skills.

everyone have a memories. bad or good, bitter sweet. aything. evrything.
every second in life is memories. which you wouldnt wanna forget it, even if its hurts, well facts, i dont know about you, but i would keep all of my memories the bitter and the sweet.
cause in the end, these memories are the one who taught me how to act how to clear up things how to face the truth.
cause when i feeling down, i know how to cheering up my mood, i

daily update

dengan minimnya pengunjung blog gw. gw jadi berpikiran untuk memperbanyak post-an blog ini agar supaya orang" dapat membaca lebih banyak refrensi tentang hidup.
well, i know i might not be life guru sure im not, but at least i could write a story about life which you could learn something from that.
jadi, mulai hari ini, sepertinya gw akan menuliskan rangkuman kejadian hari itu.
semoga saja saya menjadi orang yang konsisten.

because life, is a piece of learning time

HAPPY NEW YEAR...!!!

happy new year people!
get a better life in this funky funky 2010
lets get this party started all year long!


(i wrote this in order to have the first post on the first day of 2010)

last 2009 post

fellas! we're having a new year 2010 in a moment. just another blink and the calendar will change from december to january from 2009 to 2010 from 31 to 1.

and here it is my last blog post on 2009.
imma reviewing my 2009.
and seems like i have a rocking year. and i had a whole lotta thing named life lesson in 2009.
and it did teach me a lot (well should i use teach or taught?)
and 2009 do gave me a big bunch of memories. 1album is not enough.

i wrote this just to remind me how i love 2009
i wrote this just to ring my bells that there is no way i could go back in 2009 cause this travelator keep moving forward and never going back there.

no matter how bitchy life at 2009 no matter how kewl 2009
i vote 2010

all my prayer to 2010
hope i could be bitchier than life
and living with God bless in every single day every single breath every single step

loving you is hurt sometimes

i won't have a sleep

cause every second of my dreams will remind me of you

i will not have a wink of sleep

cause when i close my eyes your face is haunting me

i know that we're done

but i still love you

you are still the one i love the most

and its kinda hurting me so bad to see you there, holding hands with someone else

holding hands with someone you love the most

but i love you, i swear i do

so im gonna just make a peace of that

and now, i just cant get rid of you

every wink i have is reminding me of you

reminding me of you while you're holding hands with someone else

what if?

and what if everything i've made on my head come up into something real in life?

and what if everything i've been dreaming of turns into something i can touch?

and what if everything i've wrote inside my mind comes into some reality?

and what if he is mine?

i do still need a slap here in my face

i do need a mouthed terrible words here in front of me

i do still need someone to guide me through it all

cause i do still make the same old mistake which im freakingly tired of it but sadly i just cant stop it

and its just pathetic to post in on my blog

TAMPAR AKU!!

aku butuh di tampar karena tampaknya aku masih terlena di dalam mimpi indah tentang dirinya.

aku butuh sebuah tamparan tepat di pelipis kiri ku agar aku tersadar bahwa yang kulakukan adalah sebuah kesalahan besar.

aku butuh sebuah tamparan setiap kali aku mulai temangu memikirkan dia.

aku butuh ditampar, agar aku tetap berada di jalan yang tepat.

become untitled

when lollipops turns into cigarettes

this is when you should have worry about me.

cause I have just change my favorite thing into something brand new.

this is where you have to worry about me whose gonna replace you with some other.

when soda turns into vodka.

that is where you have to doubt my feelings about you.

cause I have just change a fun thingy into something more serious.

this is the right time for me to seriously changing you with someone new.

kita bertanya dalam bisu

sayatan biola dan detak jantung menjadi lagu tema sore ini. mengiringi butiran air yang jatuh dari langit bagaikan ditembakkan oleh senapan mesin berperedam suara. cepat dan hampir tak bersuara. hanya seperti ketukan kecil di kaca jendela ku. balutan angin sore semilir mengacak rambutku.

disinilah aku terperangkap didalam ruangan sempit berukuran 2 kali 3 meter yang dapat bergerak dengan kekuatan minyak bumi. terhimpit diantara kumpulan benda sejenis yang terdampar di jalan yang tampaknya tak akan ada akhirnya.

disinilah aku, kembali terperangkap di dalam kenangan akan dirinya. disinilah aku disaat aku akan sangat membenci diriku. disinilah semua kenangan akan terulang. disinilah dia akan kembali hidup dalam konteks hanya kenangan.

kaca depan mobilku seakan menjadi reflektor film tentang dia. dan radioku pun akan berubah menjadi pengeras suara yang memutarkan suaranya. pendingin mobilku akan berubah menjadi penyebar aroma tubuhnya.

hingga pada akhirnya aku muak dan menyerah dan akhirnya aku mengaktifkan telepon genggam ku dan menekan kombinasi angka yang sudah kuhapal diluar kepala hingga terbawa ke alam sadarku. nada sambung pun dimainkan. lalu akan muncul suara yang akan menyihirku jatuh kedalam lubang hitam penuh keajaiban tentang dirimu.

kamu tau itu aku. kamu tau aku tak akan mengeluarkan sedikit pun suara. tidak 1 kata pun.

tapi kamu pun tak pernah memutus telpon ku bahkan untuk 1 kali. kamu selalu menunggu hingga aku yang memutuskan telpon, walau tanpa sepatah pun percakapan yang terjadi.

kenapa kita harus bertemu jika pada akhirnya kita harus berpisah? kenapa kita harus berkenalan kalau harus berakting tidak kenal satu sama lain hanya untuk menutup luka lama?

kamu akan bertanya apakah aku baik-baik saja. dan dengan suara bergetar aku akan mengatakan sebuah kebohongan yang sudah kamu hapal. kamu akan menyuruhku berhati-hati. kamu mengatakannya bagaikan kita masih baik-baik saja. you say it just like you mean it!

dan kenapa kamu masih menciptakan suasana nyaman berada di dekatmu kalau kamu yang memutuskan kita untuk berpisah? dan kenapa kamu masih menganggapku sebagai seseorang kalau itu kamu yang merebut paksa title itu?

kali ini kuberanikan diri untuk berkata-kata walaupun terdengar seperti orang bisu yang belajar bicara.

ku beranikan diri untuk bertanya walau harus mempertaruhkan gudang air mataku untuk mengeluarkan kata-kata heroik itu.

menagih semua jawaban atas segala pertanyaan dalam benak.

tapi kini tiba giliranmu menjadi bisu...

aku menulis...

aku menulis untuk mengatakan perasaanku yang tak mungkin ku hantarkan kepadanya
aku menulis sebagai perwalian ucapanku untuk dirinya
aku menulis, karna hanya dengan menulis aku bisa mengontrol emosiku
aku menulis, agar dia tak perlu melihatku menangis saat kutuliskan berlembar perasaanku kepadanya
aku menulis agar dia tahu betul begeimana perasaanku kepadanya
aku menulis, agar ku tak perlu bertemu dan melihat matanya

gw pernah di tanya seorang temen gw, "why dont you have a bf?" dan dengan sombongnya gw jawab "why should i have one?"

sang teman kembali bertanya "maksud lo?"

dengan kadar kesombongan yang tidak berkurang sama sekali gw kembali menjawab "why should i have 1 if my life is complete enough even without them. why should i have 1 if having them is just making me caught in a problems. for me, my life is complicated enough. dont need them to make it more complicated."

"feminis lo!" . "gw cuma berusaha untuk realistis."

pembicaraan kami berakhir disitu atau yang akan terjadi hanya adu mulut yang tak kunjung usai.

kemudian dia angkat bicara lagi, "yakin lo ga iri liat orang pacaran?"

"biasa aja."

"gw tau lo!"

"alright! dikit. gw cuma iri dikit. catet ya cuma dikit doang. cuma pas baca tweetan lo ke cowo lo, how much you miss him. that's it"

"gotcha! i know you"